Let's be the Shaquille O'Neal of farmers, not the M.C. Hammer of farmers...wait, don't go... please let me explain

I had fun with that title.

At long last, I have made time to sit down and speak with all of you.  Try to imagine you have walked in on me reading a classic novel, casually smoking a cherry-wood pipe in my jacket of crushed velvet.  I look up and smile, my roguish dimples dancing in the firelight. (I am nailing this writing thing.)  "Oh hello, I didn't see you there.  Please, have a seat by the fire".  Wink

"What's that?  The article title is inconsistently paired with my strange and Wilford Brimley-esque introduction?  Right you are reader!  Let me take your hand and help you reconcile these spinning inconsistencies with a simple, "No more fun, Let's get down to business".  Serious face.
Now seriously, let me explain the title to my 3 remaining readers.

I am writing, primarily, in response to a gentleman who made the statement (paraphrasing) "You are growing hops the wrong way, you will never be able to produce nearly enough to meet demand." The gentleman in question was commenting on my trellis system.  I assume also that he was questioning the profitability of a less productive method, which it is...that is to say if I was only growing hops.  Fair enough, now my response.
   
      The human race has become incredibly skilled at farming huge swaths of land very quickly.  Small corn farmer?  Not in my America.  We need big, beautiful tractors with huge tires and the best harvesting stuff that massive loans can buy.  The 40 acre diversified farm is a relic standing in the way of brilliant, powerful, throbbing progress.  The EPA, conservationists, and worker's rights can take a hike with the rest of those socialist bastards, we need food and we need it yesterday.

This, dear readers, is M.C. Hammer farming.  You just came out with "Hammer Time"  you feel invincible, parachute pants will never be hotter than they are right now, and you stared down Michael Jackson from across the champagne room, MJ flinched.  Farming is getting more streamlined, more efficient every year.  A single driver in a John Deer can do the work of a thousand laborers in a single day, all while in a comfortable seat with adjustable climate control.  The corporations that control the money flow of the industry will happily buy out surrounding farmland, crushing small competition and further expanding their operations.  Farmers, spurred on by parent corporations, are continually expanding their farms, buying more large equipment for planting/harvesting/processing/transporting/chemical spraying.

We, the consumer, the citizens of the world, have a TON of food because of this (mostly cows, cows are eating a lot of that food), like...6400 calories per person ton of food.  So yeah, it totally works!  However; like the Hammer, we just placed an order for our second helicopter, and we keep tearing up those nice notes sent to our $30 million mansion from the IRS.

The bubble will burst...the degrading soil will tell us when it has had enough.  Eventually, no matter how much fertilizer you use, no matter how many chemicals you manage to spray, if there is no life in the soil from decades of tilling, erosion, and chemicals, nothing will grow...the soil will eventually quit making us no longer legit, then we end up having to do promos for cash4gold.com alongside Ed McMahon.  Big monocrop farming does one thing extremely well, but like Mr. Hammer, has failed to plan for a future, blowing it's big paycheck as soon as it hits the checking account.

Let's all farm like Shaquille O'Neal

The guy has been crushing it for 25 years.  He hit it big and prepared for a long, successful career well-beyond his basketball stardom.  Movies, Video Games (anyone remember Shaq-Fu?), Music (Shaq Deisel...Google it), Television, Podcasts, Sports Commentating (Nobody rocks a Big and Tall aquamarine suit like The Big Daddy), became a fully fledged reserve police oficer for L.A. Port Police, and to top it off...I just saw him doing a promo for Icy Hot not 2 minutes ago.  He is the Morgan Freeman of sports heroes.

 My point in all this is: Diversification and long-term sustainability.  If Shaq had torn his ACL and not had music, commentating, TV gigs, investments...etc. The next time you would see him is on 30 for 30 talking about what it was like playing against Michael Jordan. If a 'this-timeline" Shaq decided to pick up farming after his retirement from life in the media, I guarantee the Big Agave (I promise you, that nickname for him exists) would run a diversified Restoration Agriculture farm.  If he settles in a tropical paradise, one day you could be eating a Shaq banana.  That's a world I want to live in.

So, yes, Mr. Internet Commenter, you are absolutely correct.  As of right now, there is no way a restoration Hop farm could compete with large industrial Hop farms to supply the ever-increasing demand for beer, craft or otherwise...yet.  However;  If we can make getting into farming less cost prohibitive, DIVERSIFY to make the acreage more profitable, focus on soil improvement, and keep sustainable practices, then why not start creating more jobs in small communities?  Farms that not only grow hops, but also: grains, nuts, berries, leafy greens, mushrooms, aromatics, supply seeds, incorporate cattle, fiber animals, and poultry all on the same acre.  Supplying the world's beer makers from thousands of small, successful, local farms focused on soil health and restoration rather than a handful of 500, 750, 1000+ acre industrial farms.  Think of the arable land that could be created to add to global food production.  Think of the carbon that could be taken out of the atmosphere and turned into a beautiful, black, living, beer-growing soil.  Think of the diversity of beer flavors attained through improving local water sources and soil in different areas of the world.  Think of the small towns that could be revitalized by getting back to their farming roots, healing the economy, health, and happiness of people across the globe.  This is not wishful thinking of some vague Utopian future, this can happen right now.  I tilled up part of my backyard to show how easy it is to take action this week, tomorrow, today.  Other people are doing this successfully as well.  It can be done, this is happening...why not add hops to the mix?

Farm like Shaq...not like Hammer.


Thanks for reading!
For more updates and other ramblings on sustainability and soil stuff from this non-expert, please follow along!

The EHP blog at:
 elginhopsproject.blogspot.com
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Search-Robert Denwood

or contact directly for questions and comments:
elginhopsproject@gmail.com

Better Soil, Better Beer, Better World
-EHP